Why, oh God, have you placed me in Jenaris Home? What is your plan? What is my part in your plan? Why do you want me to become a nurse and insist on being one? How does me being a nurse fit into your plan? Why have you given that dream of your all consuming brightness hovering above Jenaris Home? And then the vision of the light descending upon Jenaris Home? Is that dream and vision really from you? I had once asked you, my God, was the nursing opportunity given by my superintendent or you. Is the briefing on the 15th August your reply? What are you preparing me for, my God?
What is it that you want me to do in Jenaris Home? Why do I get the feeling that I would only stay at Jenaris Home for around a year? Is that feeling real? Is it a whisper from you, oh Lord? If there is something that you want me to do, please tell me oh God. Tell me directly and clearly, for my ears had become deaf and eyes had become blind to you ways. I've strayed away from you, my Lord and Saviour. Forgive me, Father, for I'm not able to give myself fully to you. I'm just like Simon Peter when I say, "I love you, God." Help me Lord, show me the way to go. Never leave me, never forsake me. Help me overcome my unbelief and give me the courage to base my decisions on just 3 words, "God is faithful."
By myself, I can do nothing. You had already said so, my God. I need you. Yet, I'm not confident that you are at work in my life, for I know my transgressions and lack of faith. And the possibility that my transgressions and lack of faith is worst than I thought. Show me your mercy, oh God. Give me wisdom like Solomon and a full heart to you like David, God, my father. So that I can fulfil my part in your plan. Show me your grace, oh God, and do not let me forget you.
I will try my best to put my trust in your son, Jesus. For it is as you said, only Jesus have the power to save. Thank you, my God. Thank you, Jesus.